Going it alone sucks sometimes, well most of the time actually

Last week we had a little problem with one of the dogs. My sweet little Gabrielle was bit by something out in the backyard. I didn't know it was a bite until later. She had a lump on her throat on Wednesday or so that was smaller than a golf ball. I tried all day on Thursday to get an appointment at the base vet clinic but their phone is ALWAYS busy. So along comes Friday and with it normal everyday life. Unsurprisingly, I forgot about Gabbi’s lump. Sunday night rolls around the kids are sleeping and I’m getting the house closed up and turned off, I let the dogs out to go potty before bed. They come back in and I say goodnight to Gabbi and pet her. That’s when I feel it, the lump that was smaller than a golf ball is now about the size of a hefty orange. In less than a week it more than quadrupled in size.

First thing Monday morning I call 2 different vets clinics to get her seen and they are both booked for the day but one will squeeze her in for an urgent appointment fee. Leaving the crazy puppy locked in the kennel barking at home, I take the now semi-lethargic Gabrielle to the vet clinic with all three girlies in tow. Naturally the girls start to get scared; they don’t want her to die. The vet comes in and takes a look at her throat; he says that he thinks she got bit by something most likely a snake and that the lump is filled with fluid, (puss) eww ok. So to be sure he leaves the room and comes back with a needle to draw out a sample, sure enough his suspicions are confirmed. Yuck! So he proceeds to tell me that they will have to sedate her and place a couple of drains in her throat, ok not a problem. The tech or assistant, whatever she’s called, comes back in so I can sign the paperwork and tells me that they will put her to sleep for the procedure. Not the best choice of words when there are three little girls in the room. Of course they get scared again seeing as they had a dog that got put to “sleep” 7 months ago.

When I arrive back at the clinic to pick her up she is still drunk from the anesthesia and the vet doesn’t think it wise for me to take her just yet, I totally agree. But he does talk to me about how everything went; he estimated that more than 8 ounces came out of her neck. She is doing well all things considered; she is on two different anti-biotic meds and will have the drains for a few more days. But that’s not all…

Now I can’t get the lawn mower started again. I got the side yard around my garden and compost bin mowed and half of the front yard before the heat got to be too much for me. 90+ degrees pushing a lawn mower isn’t a lot of fun. I came in to get a big glass of water and cool off a bit before finishing the front and now the damn thing is staging its own personal coup. Hopefully I’ll get it running again soon. If Gabbi did get bit by a snake it would have been in the back, so I need to get it mowed.

Today is the day...

the day Matt left for Iraq. The girlies hadn’t really shown much emotion leading up to today. Maybe it wasn’t really real to them that daddy was getting ready to leave for an extended period of time.

This morning started like any other day, we each ate breakfast in our own time after rolling out of bed. We got some stuff cleaned up around the house and he finished packing. Lately Matt had been spending a lot more time playing with the girls so he played on the Wii with them too. In the early evening he piled all of his bags stuffed with gear and everything else he will need for the next 7 months into the back of the car. We went to the exchange and walked around for a few minutes and then went to the commissary for milk and granola bars. (We had enough time to run it home before his report time to the hanger.)

We arrived right at 6 P.M. when he was supposed to. The time came and he gave each of the girls a hug and kisses and told them that he loved them. Our oldest didn’t shed a tear, she’s never been emotional. It made me sad to see her not have a reaction. The younger two girls cried but the youngest really sobbed. Ice cream for dinner was the winning idea to cheer the girlies up a little. Before we ate I set up an email account for each one of them. Now the girlies can write to daddy (the younger two already have) and keep his emails without cluttering up my inbox. I hope our oldest decides to write to him, she didn’t want to set up an account but I did it anyway just in case.

This deployment already feels like it is going to be a hard one on all of us. The girls are older now and can comprehend that he is gone unlike before when they were younger. I will have to make sure to keep them very busy. I got to text Matt a few times just now and he reassured me that I am strong and I will be fine. He had to turn off his phone because they are taking off now. He will be in Germany in approximately 8 or 9 hours.

Less than a handful of days to go

No one ever accused a military wife of having an easy life, and if they did they certainly didn't know what they were talking about. No we didn't sign the dotted line but we endure everything that our service member goes through. Maybe not in the exact same way, but in some ways even more so.

My hubs will be deploying in less than one week, two days actually. He'll be going on his 5th deployment, 2nd to Iraq. As far as places in Iraq are concerned he'll be in the safest area for our Military to be. The base is affectionately known as Camp Cupcake, this eases my mind a smidgen. None the less, there is still that remote chance…

So stateside I will stay and carry on with the daily tasks of running a household. Three children missing their daddy will more than likely drive me loony with their incessant questioning of our hero’s return. All the while I am called upon to be the sole boo-boo kisser, under-bed and closet monster chaser awayer, rear-end reddener, homework helper, stylist (not that daddy is much help in this department anyway) personal chef and live-in house keeper (although admittedly, in this department, I am lacking) and general all around fort holder downer. I will be a singleish mom for a little more than half of a year.

This deployment has been approaching with the typical pre-separation bickering; the hardening of feelings that is required to say goodbye and let them go. The girlies know that their daddy is leaving but I’m not sure that they have realized the scale of what that actually means. They have all already experienced deployments during their young lives but the last time was a few years ago. They are drawing pictures to sneak into his bags as I sit here writing. We will make a paper chain later today to countdown the days until his return, one link for every day he will be away.

This time around has definitely been a little bit different from our experiences of the past. We may as well have installed a revolving door in our foyer. We were visited by more than a few people this time around, all wanting to see Matt before he leaves. All of the family members that came to visit have since left and I don’t expect to see half of them again for quite some time.

Life will go on when that plane takes off for the Middle East. Days will come and go; holidays with our Marine will be missed. To many this is a completely unthinkable way to live, for others it is a way of life. Don’t get me wrong, I never said it gets easier. Military life is not for the faint of heart by any stretch of the imagination. It just becomes the norm.

Independence Day

July 4th is a day when ALL who live in this great country should stop and be thankful for what we have. I know what you're thinking and Yes, I know its not Thanksgiving. I also know that so many people are struggling right now to make ends meet but we still need to keep our heads held high and remember how far we have come. We may not have seen the worst of our current situation yet but we will prevail. Our nation will pull itself up by its bootstraps and we will continue to be the greatest country in the world!

Today we should be thankful because it is the day we declared our FREEDOM, the day we said we want to stand on our own two feet. Today is not about hamburgers, hot dogs, coleslaw and potato salad. It's not about fireworks and beer. Today should be about thanking those men and women who selflessly have dedicated their lives to making sure our great nation STAYS FREE. So many have paid the ultimate price for our freedom by giving their lives to protect it. Don't let their actions be in vain. I know it sounds cliché but freedom truly isn't free, just ask any widow of one of our fallen heroes or ask the new mom whose husband was deployed when she gave birth to his child.

As I sit here writing this I have tears trickling down my cheeks because my own husband will be deploying to Iraq in less than 3 weeks. This will be his 5th deployment, the second to Iraq. My family has strong ties to the military; my father served an enlistment in the Army and went to Korea, my dad was a Corpsman in the Navy for more than 20 years. My baby brother is serving in the Army and has already gone on house to house missions in Baghdad and our brother is getting ready to enlist in the Army as well. On my husbands side his father was in the Navy for 20 years, his mother did an enlistment as well. His paternal grandfather stormed (I believe it was) Omaha Beach (or maybe it was Utah, I'm not totally sure) and had a coffee cup shot out of his hand by the enemy. He received one of our Nation’s highest medals, the Purple Heart.

Military life is not an easy life; it is filled with heartache and disappointment, missed holidays and milestones. During my husband’s deployment he will miss our girls’ first day of school this year, my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, our 13th anniversary, two of our daughters’ birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, his birthday, and Valentine’s Day (I think that’s all) Today I remember though why well won’t be together during all of those times. I am grateful for everything he does. He is even on duty today, missing a visit with his family. Military life is hard… but it’s worth it!

I know that its not Memorial Day either but I still think we should say a big Thank You to ALL of our Nation’s defenders, your sacrifices are not forgotten.

First Impressions

A blog can be a great many things... it can be a place to share, the good and even the bad; it can be a venue for ranting or celebration; a creative outlet; a place shrouded in ambiguity or an unobstructed view of one's self. I don’t know just yet where this little place on the web falls among those depictions.

My intention when starting this “e-journal” was to be able to comment on some posts that cut me to my core. Then, after a bit of thought, I’m not so sure of what to say in such a “public” forum. So now I’m no longer wholly convinced that I should comment due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter and the brittle relationship that hangs in the balance. Words can do irreparable damage, especially if not chosen with caution. Pondering all of this has seemingly taken me in a new direction, to use my powers for good.

Why not use this medium to chronicle my journey as a Military Spouse, offering my experience and knowledge to other military spouses? Not only can I reach out to lonely, scared and confused wives of our military men, I can help to put into plain words these difficulties, trials and tribulations so that non-military individuals may understand what our nation’s military spouses endure on a daily basis. Having been a Marine’s wife for nearly 13 years I have seen my fair share of “us and them” mentalities.

Yes, I understand that everyone has difficulties in their lives. Run of the mill marriage strife of being newly-weds coupled with the added stressors of military life nearly left my marriage in ruins 11 or so years ago. Difficulties and challenges are a part of life that we have the opportunity to learn and grow from. It is how we react and deal with those hurdles that make us who we are. The difference is, while we ALL (military and civilian alike) have our own personal daily struggles, MOST civilian wives don’t have to worry about getting a call from the ER doctor urging her to get to the base hospital as quickly as possible because something went horrifically wrong during a training exercise. The military wife has to be everyone and everything to her family while our nations’ defenders are away helping to protect the freedoms that make this country great. Our military fights for the rights of the @$$holes that spit in their faces. They are willing to die in order to protect those rights.

But I digress… which brings me to my next and my original point in a roundabout, scenic route kind of way, I’m not sure I can stay focused long enough on one thought to create a blog about being married to a Marine that would do anyone any good. I do not know where this journey will take me but you are invited to come along for the ride. This narrative will probably be written just like I cook, with a little of this and a pinch of that. It will be a look at life...

Through the eyes of a Marine’s Wife.